Welcome to the official site of 
Nude Man Carrot®
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Read along as we discover the incredible story of this bizarre and lewd vegetable that forever changed the life of Maui recording artist Liam Selwyn.
 
 

Please visit www.liamselwyn.com to order the mellowest zen CD ever- Human Windchime!
 

Web Design and Marketing Genius by Liam Selwyn

Nice Basket!

 

"Cases of Carrot Nudism are rare to be sure, but there is evidence of this kind of activity taking place as early as 1840 when over  65  carrots were incarcerated by the Turkish government after a big vegetable nudist gathering was busted in Ankara." - Dimitri  Ponescwiez - The Society of Abnormal Vegetable Behaviours.
Morning came and Nude Man Carrot had risen earlier than I.  I discovered him out in the garden of my lovely polynesian plantation climbing the trees. 

 "Good Morning, Nude Man Carrot.  I hope you don't mind if I call you that."

Nothing - no answer.
I think he had communication problems that stemmed from the way he was cultivated as an early seedling.  I made a mental note to get him a copy of "The Road Less Traveled".
I went back into my glamourous Hawai'ian cottage to fetch my camera because I thought that a chance to photograph a lewd exhibitionist vegetable like this might not come by in a long time.  Well the simple sound of the shutter clicking sent my carrot friend into a manic frenzy of NON-STOP MODELLING!  He jumped off the tree and laid down suggestively on the garden post.  Wriggling his legs and pursing his lips.  He was HOTTER THAN HOT!  And boy, he wasn't shy of his private parts either. 

"It is such a  joy to behold such a fine young specimen of a carrot.  So virile and fresh and young. And oh so Cocky!  I'd like to book him for my upcoming show - "Culinary Erotica in Downhome American Country Cooking" - Mortha Stewart

 
 It didn't stop there - my incessant photographing made him wild with passion.  He leapt over to the Ti Bushes and climbed up for a cheeky pose.

 

"Americans ought to be ashamed of themselves for allowing this amoral tastelessness and lawless lewdness to run rampant on the internet."  - Anitia Bryant - Has-been Orange Juice Spokeswoman

 Butcher than Butch

"No Comment" - President Clinton
 

Nubile, Wanton, Veggie Lust Incarnate (Invegate?)
Carrot Yoga

Hold on - that's getting a little too close for my taste even. - Couldn't you at least wear a loincloth?

 

Doing pushups to keep his manly figure

Well I think it's time for a Safer Sex Refresher for this young carrot!  Use a condom Every Time!

His last few hours were spent on my chopping block.
 Sadly, Nude Man Carrot ended up in my Champion Juicer.  I would write more of a story but I am getting bored by this webpage already.  Please buy my CD because I want to revel in all the filthy lucre that you will provide me with! SHAZAM!

THE END
Disclaimer: The quotes contained in this document were made up by me and are not supposed to make you think that gorgeously famous people like Anita Bryant, Martha Stewart, or Bill Clinton would ever waste their time looking at a nude man carrot webpage -   Unlike people like you I suppose - well you obviously have time on your hands if you actually read DISCLAIMERS!